Hunter Gets Attacked

The following is a parody of a true event that occurred recently in Montana. Only the names were changed to protect the guilty. It is intended to provide a little humor to our otherwise dull and difficult lives.

Hunter Reports Getting Assaulted by a Giant Masked Creature,
Dateline, Sidney, Mt. Sept. 5, 2009: Hunter Jordina Hallman called the Montana Fish and Game warden yesterday morning reporting that a giant, masked creature had just attacked him as he was on his way to his tree stand to hunt whitetail deer. He described the event as harrowing and unnerving. As he was walking in the early morning hours, about an hour before sun up, a giant, furry animal, wearing a mask jumped out of the brush and began hissing at him in a threatening manner. Jordina says he then grabbed a big stick from off the ground and began beating the animal to no avail. The animal knocked him into a ravine about ten feet deep, filled with water. The water destroyed both his cell phone and his brand new used distance locater. He fought off the assailant valiantly and climbed out of the ravine only to discover he had a badly sprained ankle. He bravely continued on to his tree stand where he climbed up twenty feet before he could finally sit down and rest. He had the opportunity to shoot a few small deer, but decided the perilous beginning to his day necessitated he only settle for a big buck or a good sized doe. When he arrived home to tell his wife Mindy about the incident, she seemed unconcerned. That evening, while having dinner at a friend’s house, that friend’s wife (whose name will be withheld to protect her innocence), bandaged his swollen ankle and put ice on it. Jordina commented to his wife that she should watch and see how a wife is supposed to take care of her mighty hunter when he returns home injured from the dangerous consequences of a hunt. She laughed hysterically.
Jordina said the assailant left the scene in a red Mustang convertible. Police are currently searching for it. If you have any information leading to the arrest and/or conviction of this villain, please call the Montana Fish and Game office or your local law enforcement center. A $5.00 reward is being offered by the Jordina Hallman estate.